Reason for Us
by began-to-climb
Summary: He didn’t want to admit to himself that he fell for her. He didn’t want to let her know that he was in love. Because he knew that he wasn’t good enough and that she deserved better. But now she was standing in front of him. Alex and Ava, 3.25 COMPLETE
1. the Reason

**Name: **Reason for Us

**Rating: **PG

**Summary: **He doesn't want to admit to himself that he fell for her. He didn't want to let her know that he was in love. Because he knew that he wasn't good enough and that she deserved better. But then she was standing in front of him, tears in her eyes, asking him in their privacy to tell her to stay. She wanted him to tell her to stay because he loved her. He wanted to say it, but he didn't. She deserved better.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Alex, Ava, Addison, or Jeff. Nor do I own the song, _the Reason_, by Hoobastank.

**Authors Note: **This is my opinion of what I really want to happen with Alex and Ava in the season premiere of Grey's next year.

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_I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know_

I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you  
–the Reason, Hoobastank

He memorized his way to her room weeks ago. He could've been anywhere, but he'd be on her floor, at the doorway of her room in a few minutes' tops. Even when she changed rooms, which happened frequently, he could find her. So he was able to race up from the locker rooms in less than two minutes. He had a wedding to get to, but he needed to see her first. He had to tell _her _first.

With the envelope holding his exam scores in his pant pocket, his hand resting on it, he ambled into her room, trying to contain the smile begging to. It was hard to contain his excitement, but he managed to by examining the room quickly. It was dim, the blinds snapped shut so only slivers of sunlight were tangible, her bobbing figure a shadow in the artificial light. She was fiddling with papers in her hands, carving her thumb over the edge, flickering up to him once he entered.

Ava smiled at him, her lips breaking as her eyes gave him a brief once over, taking in the sharp look he adopted. "I like the suit." Alex smiled, looking down at himself neatly shaped in a cut black and white suit, the polka dotted tie dangling from his neck. The buttons were undone; the way a rebel was due to wear his at this sort of elegant event. "The suit is way better than the scrubs."

"Thanks. Hey, I passed my intern exam." Alex said, tossing his hand out to emphasize the statement.

Her smile grew bigger, excitedly beaming for him. "Good. That's good." Then she started fiddling with the papers again, breaking eye contact with Alex, moving a strand of hair that had caught on her lips. "I got discharged, me and the baby."

The grin fell off Alex's face immediately. His countenance blanked. It was then that he realized she was looking at discharge papers and dressed. She was no longer incased in an unflattering paper hospital gown. She stood before him, letting the made bed act as a barrier between two souls, in jeans and a brown jacket with a blue shirt peaking out on her neck. The sight startled him; it was the first time he had ever seen her in actual clothes and for a brief second, the clothes looked unnatural on her, out of place.

He tried to cloak the shock stringing in his veins by laughing. "Oh, come on. You, you just had brain surgery. You're, you're still on antibiotics."

"My body's been signed off on by plastics, cardio, orthopedics, neuro, and OB. And also my teeth got the blessings from, let me see if I can say this…prothodontics."

Alex's composure dissipated gradually as Ava continued to run off the list of all the doctors working with her. She was being discharged. It felt more real suddenly, overwhelming him fully, snapping him back into reality. She was leaving. He was going to be alone again. She was leaving. He wasn't ever going to see her again.

He tried again, putting up the laugh and smile façade. "Yeah, but there's still your memory—"

She cut him off before he could pick a point to argue. "You know I'm fine when I can say prothodontics."

"The baby."

"Discharged." Alex frowned. "By pedics."

"Yeah, but…" All train of thought exited his mind.

Ava noticed his difficulty obtaining the information and wound around him to shut the door. They were a pair that needed their privacy. More or less their friendship had flourished on the hours they spent alone together. If everything was going to unravel in this moment, if secrets and desires were going to announced, she knew they would both need to be alone with the each other to fully say it. Otherwise, they would lose confidence. And Ava was not about to let that happen. Alex turned around, lips crunched in confusion, watching her in puzzlement at the abrupt slam of the door and whirlwind spin of her hair as she faced him again, defiantly staring up at him.

"I have every reason to go." Ava stated. "And, and, ye, yeah I'm scared and, yeah, this, this is moving at warp speed and, yeah, I'm freaking out. But Jeff is good. He's the father of my child. The man is out buying a car seat right now." Alex, who'd bowed his head at the rant of another man, looked at her. "The minute he gets back…" Ava paused. "I have every reason to go. Cause, medically, there's no reason for me to stay. _Medically_."

Alex hesitated in responding for a long second, words slowly coming back to his mind after his numbness wore out until he snapped back completely. "Oh, yeah. Okay, then I'll just check the chart."

He had to move. He had to do something—anything. If Ava was saying good-bye, he didn't know if he could do it standing still. He needed the occupation so he didn't focus on his heart racing in sadness or the way his heart was making up scenarios on the what if's and could've been's. He started to explain her chart, running through the tests and precautions with going home, obliviousness to her reaction to his brush off.

Ava stared incredulously at him as he flipped through the chart, her hands flying up while her mouth hung open. "Dammit." she breathed, her voice breaking with simmering anger.

The chart in one hand, the other grazing the lines he was reading, Alex looked up at her. "What?"

"Are you…?" She lifted one arm up to cup her mouth and hooked the other on her hip. "Do I, do I have to spell everything out for you? Did you sniff too much glue as a child? I'm asking you something here."

Alex dropped the chart on the tray and gripped the bed railings, sputtering out desperate words at a time lost for other words. For once, he didn't want to respond with a sniddy remark. For once, he let himself be vulnerable. "What do you want for me?"

He saw the shock written on her face at his low question. "I want…I want you to give me a reason to stay. A real reason. I mean, Jeff's a decent guy, a good decent guy." Alex stared down at his hands gripping the bars; his knuckles were stark white. "But to him I'm Rebecca and I don't know if I'm Rebecca anymore, I…You know me. You knew when I couldn't speak who I was. You…you named me Ava and I was more me as Ava than I'll ever be as Rebecca." She paused again, letting the confessions sink into the cores of both of them. "Look I, I have every reason to go back to my life. And I will. Unless you…Alex, I'm asking you to give me a reason to stay here." Tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to unleash at any second with one fragile word. "A reason from _you_."

He didn't hesitate this time. He couldn't afford himself that second. If he did, he wouldn't be able to do the right thing now. "Jeff loves you. He's a decent guy."

"Alex, give me a reason."

He didn't want to admit to himself that he fell for her. He didn't want to let her know that he was in love. Because he knew that he wasn't good enough and that she deserved better. But now she was standing in front of him, tears in her eyes, asking him in their privacy to tell her to stay. She wanted him to tell her to stay because he loved her. He wanted to say it, but he didn't.

He walked over to her, reaching out to touch her, but retracting on second thought. Hope sparked in her eyes at the closeness and he hated to crush that optimism. Every thing in his body told him to lean in and kiss her, just take her in his arms and taste her lips.

Yet, he decided to listen to his mind and not his heart. "I think you should stay with the decent guy."

She deserved better. He tried to convince himself that as she laughed, broken-hearted, and he walked out of the room, leaving her to wipe away her own tears. He was walking away; away from her and possibly the happiness he had built with her. He was making the sacrifice. He didn't like it, but it was the right thing to do. She was married. He couldn't do that. He couldn't take her out of something that kept her safe.

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**A/N: **Good? Bad? I know that this was basically a replay of the finale scene, but I wanted to write something surrounding it and I thought it would've been too easy to just write it alternately. There are more chapters to come, by the way.


	2. Second Chance

**Authors Note: **Thank you to everyone that reviewed. This was only two-shot so it's over after this chapter. If you're interested in Alexa (Alex and Ava), check out their LJ community or look up their supporters at fanforum.

Thanks for reading and reviewing.

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_"You want Ava."_

_"She's not Ava anymore. She's Rebecca and I may barely know her."_

_"Look at me. Look at me. You suck. To me, you suck. I kind of hate you. Alex, we do not get unlimited chances to get the things we want. I know, nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could've changed your life. No matter what her name is, she'll always be Ava to you."_

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The numbness was wearing off. The hospital room was empty. The blinds were open, the plant moved, and the bed was freshly sheeted. There was no trace of the former patient. Every reminder of her was stolen from the room, taken away by the nurses, waiting to be replaced by a new someone. The air even smelled different; just a few hours ago it had smelled like her, cinnamon from her hot chocolate and strawberry from her shampoo. But now it smelled like air freshener and stale peroxide.

Alex's hand gripped the doorframe, his fingers digging into the impenetrable wood carving, clenching painfully onto the thing that couldn't feel. He wished he couldn't feel anything. He had to smile in irony at the way his lungs were constricting, his chest heaving, panicked for breath. He had breezed through life weaseling his way out of feeling anything that resembled the badness, wanting to feel only the good, in turn becoming more and more like a statue. Yet now, when he didn't want to feel, it was swelling in him like fireworks, overwhelming his body.

_She was beautiful._

She was gone, her vanity fleeting with her. There was so much he had needed to say to her, the confessions that were monumental in his life, and she had disappeared from his life without giving him a chance. Yet, wasn't that the story of his life? Every time he ventured too close to someone, he retreated into the safe shadows, only to realize that there was nothing to be afraid of, resulting in the chance lost. He arrived too late and had lost the person he wanted the most. Addison was right; there weren't unlimited chances. And he had just missed his one chance.

He bowed his head, jaw set, swallowing the lump in his throat, and slowly stepped into the room, releasing the death grip on the doorframe. He stuffed his hands in his pockets after loosening the tie from his throat and looked around the room, searching for anything that would remind him of her. He didn't need an object for that, however. The room was filled with memories, ones that would plague his heart for the rest of his years, reminding him of what he let go because of his self-confidence.

Why had he let her go?

"Excuse me, I believe my wife left her bag."

Alex's ears perked up at that voice so softly coming through the door. He would remember that voice everywhere. His senses alert and his eyes inquisitive, he wandered into the busy hallway, glancing to his right where the nurse's station resided. A doctor in her blue scrubs hurried past him, momentarily blocking his view of the figure with a ghost's voice. His lips parting, his eyes met the sight. Jeff Pope was leaning on the counter of the nurses station, tapping his foot on the floor, waiting patiently as the plump woman behind the desk searched the contents under the counter.

Alex suddenly found himself sauntering towards the man, sizing up his already disheveled appearance. "Mr. Pope."

Jeff's face shot up in alarm, straightening immediately. His lips twitched into an uncomfortable smile as he raked his hand through his messy brunette hair. "Dr. Karev, hello." he greeted, his tone uneasy.

Alex shifted, trying his hardest not to chuckle at the man's uneasiness, though he really didn't blame him. Considering Alex and his wife's attachment to each other—the floor's juiciest gossip, dubbed the new Denny and Izzie—and Alex's pre-decided opinion of him, Jeff had a right to be uncomfortable around Ava's doctor.

Alex hooked his hands on his hips, pushing the jacket back. "Where's Ava?"

Jeff's eyes narrowed. "Rebecca, you mean? She's in the car. Why?"

"The front lot?" Jeff nodded slowly, still uncertain why the information was necessary. He had an idea, but that wasn't plausible…was it? "Thanks."

Then Alex took off again, racing through the white labyrinth with Jeff at his heels, dodging the packs of people blocking the way. The pair rounded the corner at the end of the hall, Jeff gaining some ground, until Alex yanked open the door to the stairs and belted down. His hand gripping the railing, he jumped down multiple sets, flying onto different cases, passing floor after floor. Above him somewhere, he heard Jeff yelling his name, but he acknowledge him.

Jeff may have been Ava's husband and the right man for her to be with, but Alex knew that this was his second chance that Addison had mentioned and that philosophers had argued over. It was rare, getting the opportunity to do something skipped out on or to say words refused, and Alex was not about to let it slip through his fingers. Even if Ava said that he was right and that she was going to try to work with Jeff, then at least he would have the satisfaction of putting himself out there for once in his life. At least then he would know that he'd had the courage to do it.

Finally landing on the first floor, he flung the door open and nearly stumbled into the lobby, granting him confused and irritated looks from patients, doctors and family members who'd seen the man dressed in a suit fling himself out of the stairs at warp speed. There was even more annoyance when Jeff burst out, gasping for breath and spinning on his heels to locate Alex. He already had his eyes on the front door and was gone, his shoes squeaking on the marble floor. Breaking through a band of assembling doctors, uttering a quick apology, he pushed the glass doors open and entered the night.

He paused briefly, his eyes scanning the dozens of cars parked in the lot. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a flash of yellow light and there she was, sitting in the passenger seat of an Escalade, her lips drowned in a pout. Right then he didn't care about Jeff or anything else. Ava was right in front of him, right there, tangible and open. He darted across the street, squeezing past the phalanx of cars, surpassing the silver soldiers, his heart lodged in his throat.

Standing off to the side, he stopped, watching her recognize him. The smallest smile appeared on her lips. He prayed for her to get out of the car and, in seconds, she was unbuckled and opening the door.

"Alex?" she said, leaving the door open ajar and making her way over to him.

He met her halfway. "Hi."

The slightest hint of amusement reflected on her face. "What are you doing?"

"I need to say something." he whispered, taking a step towards her.

"Rebecca!" Jeff yelled, catching up to the pair. "Rebecca, get in the car."

"Alex, you can't do this." Ava said, gazing up at him.

"I need to say something." Alex repeated, barely audible under Jeff's angry shout of Ava's former name.

"Jeff, shut up." Ava snapped, looking at him. Then her chestnut eyes flickered back to Alex, already filled with hope and caring. "What?"

"I didn't expect or need you to come into my life—" Alex started.

"Alex." Ava said, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"Let me finish." He took another step towards her. "I didn't expect you to happen. I didn't want you to happen. I didn't need you to happen. My life was going okay, but that's all it was. I wasn't who I wanted to be, and then I pulled you from the wreckage. You changed everything, Ava. And I'm so thankful for you. I didn't want to let you go, but I thought you'd be better off with Jeff cause I thought I wasn't good enough. But I think I was wrong. Addison said there's nothing worse than missing an opportunity that could've changed your life. So here's my opportunity and I'm taking it."

Alex took another step toward Ava, fighting the tears rimming her eyes, and cupped her face in his hands, only a breath away. "I want to be the reason you stay. I believe I was destined to pull you out of your old life. I feel like…like that little girl in there is my daughter. I like you helping me study and keeping me grounded. I didn't want you to know that Jeff was here. I told you I passed my intern exam before anyone else. When you told me you were leaving, I thought I was losing you. I ran out of my friend's wedding for you. I think you deserve better, but I'm kind of in love with you. And I want you to stay with me."

Ava smiled, looping her arms around Alex's neck as he brushed away a fallen tear. "Took you long enough."

Alex smiled and captured her lips. Deepening the kiss, Jeff and everything else evaporated around them, breaking the threads of boundaries and rules designed to prevent attachment. Then, just as quickly as the kiss began, Alex tore drew back, tilting his head to the other side, and kissed her again, flicking his tongue out to taste her.

She giggled happily and stared up at him, her hand stroking his cheek. "You know I'm kind of in love with you too."

Alex smiled. "I figured that." Then he kissed her again, encasing her waist in his arms.

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**A/N: **Okay, so I doubt that Alex would ever be that open, but it's a writer's job to fantasize.


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